Nighttime Comics Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's prominent hosts spent the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced immigration initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas tune about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... destroys all he touches."

The focus was the controversial plan that permits overseas individuals to purchase U.S. legal status for an investment of one million dollars, or "top-tier" option for $5 million. An official website guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"One note for you to wealthy foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, involving large fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll numbers during financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.