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Our close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome several obstacles, her resilience is commendable. But, she's repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her partner left her, and it was a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances vanished during that time, as they were only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, probably understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, several of her friends have disappeared without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she was highly competent, she departed not understanding why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each retired leading to more time together, but I am finding my role in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she has unyielding views. I try to propose factchecking and different perspectives.

She is arranging a holiday abroad I know well on several occasions even called home for some time. I attempted to share insights, but this was met with resistance. She really solely sought validation of her decisions. I have come back from 30 days there and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she'll truly understand the effect of how she acts on my confidence. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to walk away, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens in your conversations. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. The second involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no argument here. Your feelings belong to you, after all. The third step is to ask how you are both will alter the interaction between you."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works is telling to the other person:

"Now you talk and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend may dismiss your concerns, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they won't let go of as it feels essential relies on it being the only thing familiar to them. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path here, just dead ends. However, she might start out this way and then think about what you've said. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were truthful.